The Afterlife

You'd think that I would have included this post in my earlier posts about Christianity and why it doesn't suit me... but to be perfectly honest, I don't think about the afterlife that much so it only recently occurred to me. In short, I don't believe in the afterlife, an afterlife, life after death, or whatever other way you want to spin it.

I've heard the argument that there has to be an afterlife, otherwise there is no justice, and G-d is just. This seems logical enough... But why does there have to be justice? The truth is, that we don't really know what G-d does, so we can't definitively say that He pursues justice. Maybe there is justice here and we just don't recognize it. We're measuring justice by our own ruler, not G-d's, so we could be doing it all wrong...

Anyways, my argument is just as logical: if there were another life, why did G-d put us here in this one? Why wouldn't he just stick us in this other life to start with? There is some purpose to our existence in this mortal, physical world.

So, yeah, I do think that when it's over, it's over. My roommate and I discussed this at length not long ago. She is Catholic and totally believes in the afterlife. She said that when her grandpa died, she immediately knew that he was in heaven with her grandma and that she was happy about that. I guess it's great that she has such faith in this idea. But she doesn't really know; she only believes. What I do know, is that her grandpa, and everyone else who's ever died, isn't here.

When I think about people who've died, like my close friend from junior high school, I just think that it really sucks that they aren't here experiencing life. In the spring of eighth grade, my friend died. He had a pacemaker, and essentially, it stopped working. Not only did it stop working, but it stopped working at track practice, which I was at. It was a Tuesday. I was one of the only girls who saw what happened because I was in the pole vault pit next to where the boys were sprinting. It was a terrifying experience. The next day at school, the coaches and EMTs who responded talked to us, and told us he was doing fine. They told us the doctors would be able to fix him. That Friday, his parents pulled his younger brother out of school to come say good bye. I went to his funeral, where teachers and mentors spoke about what a wonderful person he was and the pastor spoke about heaven.

In all the days that have followed his death, I have never once felt comfort in heaven. I never felt that he was with G-d, or Jesus, or his grandparents, or anyone else. I didn't feel relieved that his suffering was over. All I felt was that it sucks that he's not here. And every milestone, big or small, that passed, I thought about how he wasn't experiencing it. He didn't get to start high school with us, or go to homecoming or to prom, or scream with us at football and basketball games, or apply to college, or stress out about what to do with the rest of his life. He didn't get freshmen move in day, or get to choose a major, or change his major 3 or 4 more times. He won't graduate college, or get married, or have kids, or grow old with the love of his life. And that freaking sucks.

I am constantly reminding myself to savor every moment, because the moments will expire eventually. I scrapbook and save the most random things that everyone else discards but I know are important. One day I will look back at a ticket stub or at a random holiday fact card from Hillel and be reminded of what a glorious time I am having. I know that I only have a certain amount of time on earth, and I don't have time to waste. The first time I told my roommate that I don't believe in the afterlife, she responded by saying that that is scary and it makes each day super important. Yes, each day is super important, and I try not to forget that. When I start to complain about my college classes, I remind myself that there are millions of people who don't have the luxury of complaining about that.

I should include that I do believe in the immortal soul. I think that when you die, you soul is at peace and will be at one with G-d. But your soul doesn't go somewhere else to live, it just exists somehow. As a friend helped me figure out, consciousness does not go hand in hand with a soul, so your soul will continue to live without "you" being conscious of it.

I know that I could be wrong. There could be an afterlife. But what happens if you spend your whole life banking on an afterlife and miss out on opportunities because you are always thinking there's more time, and then you die, and nothing happens? If I spend my whole life worried about this world and this life, doing good for people, loving my friends and family, being the best person I can possibly be, thinking that there is no afterlife, then there actually is one, I will be pleasantly surprised. But the person who spent his whole life sure of an afterlife and there isn't one, won't be pleasantly surprised. He won't be surprised at all. He won't be anything. Because his life will be over, and nothing happens after death.

Taking it one religion at a time

When I originally started reading about Judaism online, I also was reading about Islam. There were a few ideas in Islam that spoke to me. So after getting so excited about Shabbat at Hillel, I decided to take the most logical approach to religion: learn about it all. I couldn't risk getting all invested in one religion only to one day discover a new one and change course again. Over the next seven months, I took every opportunity I could to learn about world religions.

I attended a lecture during Discover Islam Week on our campus and subsequently read all 15 or so pamphlets they had at the check in table. I also signed up for a free English translation of the Qur'an and read parts of it. I read about Buddhism online and bought the Dhammapada, The Sayings of the Buddha. I also investigated Hinduism, Taoism, and even Christianity. But wait, didn't I give up on Christianity? Well, I was raised Catholic so I just double checked with the other denominations (Quakers and Presbyterians mostly) - they all pretty much have one unwavering thing in common.

It didn't take long for me to eliminate Hinduism from the list of possibilities: it too closely resembles Christianity. I understand that, like Judaism, Hinduism has an all encompassing cultural aspect. But its theological aspects are nearly identical to those that I've already ruled impossible. A human incarnation of a deity, to me, is not possible.

Of all the other religions, Islam was the most fascinating to learn about. For some reason, this religion seemed so foreign and unaccessible to me. Learning about Islam has challenged me in the ways I think about life, G-d, and the world. I love that Islam is a monotheistic religion in the way that I understand monotheism. But after much reading and discussion with Muslims, I realized that this definitely wasn't my religion. Like Christianity, there are things you have to believe in, otherwise you can't become a Muslim. For example, you have to believe in the afterlife and you have to believe that the Qur'an is the unadulterated word of G-d brought to us by the prophet Muhammad. I believe that the Qur'an has a good message, but I don't believe it's possible for humankind to have the true words of G-d. G-d is not human and does not speak the way that we speak. And most of all, the narration of the Qur'an just doesn't captivate me the way that other texts (religious or otherwise) do. Some will immediately respond to this by saying I have to read it in Arabic! The translation is not the truth! Well, I read the Hebrew Bible in translation and its narrative is still captivating. I know that poetry gets lost in translation, but not all of it.

I stayed interested in Buddhism for several months, until I actually got up the nerve to attend an Intro to Buddhism class. The sayings of the Buddha were so insightful. Ultimately, though, the fact that meditating is the most important aspect of this religion is most unappealing. Also, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with G-d. Buddhism is not a god-centered religion. I've read that some Buddhist teachers don't care if you believe in G-d, but they obviously aren't going to address that or teach you anything new about G-d. At that first Intro class, I was most distracted. I couldn't focus on what the teacher was saying, for I did not find it interesting. And a few times, he mentioned ideas and I would think "Well in Judaism they say this...." I resolved not to return to the class and to close the door on Buddhism. I do still like to read the Dhammapada sometimes, but I know that meditation would be impossible for me. My brain is constantly moving and changing direction and I don't want to change that. If I controlled my brain to calm it down, I wouldn't think of half the things I come up with. I would have no more good ideas and would lose my creativity. Without my creativity what am I?

Making sure to cover all the bases, I read a book about atheism. I don't need to say much besides I wasn't convinced. Although, I must admit I don't think I picked a very good book. The author seemed to only care about disproving Christianity, which I don't need done for me.

At some point in the middle of all this, I took this awesome quiz on Beliefnet that ranks your religious beliefs. The questions are pretty intense, not generic at all. Most questions have 6 choices so it's not obvious which religion the answer relates to (most of the time). Anyways, the quiz then ranks how your beliefs match up with 27 different religions. My results were quite interesting. They were: 1. Reform Judaism 100% 2. Liberal Quakers 88% 3. Unitarian Universalism 87% 4. Baha'i Faith 80% 5. Orthodox Judaism 79% ... 27. Roman Catholic 28%.

The results of this quiz made me both happy and sad. On the one hand, I had statistical proof that I fit into Judaism as far as belief. On the other hand, I was raised Catholic and it scored dead last with only 28%? That's really low. I thought I'd score at least 40 or 50%... Nonetheless, I've had to come to terms with the fact that Catholicism is my family's religion due to tradition more than faith.

I actually read about all 27 faiths that this quiz ranked and none stuck out so much as Judaism.

Abraham

So, this post is backtracking a bit, but I thought it was important to include. It's about why, as an adult, I've preferred the "Old Testament" to the New Testament. I mentioned in one of my first posts that I took an English class on the English Bible. We read and analyzed the stories in the Bible as we would any other literary text, so we read without preference to a Christian or a Jewish or a Muslim interpretation. It was pretty cool. Anyways, before I decided to learn anything more about Judaism or any other religion, I took about a month to think and sort out what it is I really believe and how the scriptures I've read (and heard) play into that. I kept coming back to two stories, one from the "Old" and one from the New testament, and comparing them to each other. A lot of people would disagree that I should compare these stories, but it makes since to me.

From what I've read and heard in the New Testament, Jesus knew that he would be crucified and he predicted it to his followers. But that's not what is revealed in the text. In two of the gospels, Matthew and Mark, when Jesus is on the cross he cries out "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani" which is Aramaic for My G-d, my G-d, why have you forsaken (or abandoned, depending on which translation you read) me? The official interpretation of this moment is that Jesus is quoting David, thereby proving his Messiah-ship. No Christian views this as a test of faith. But how can it not be a test of faith? Here this guy is about to die, and he accuses G-d of abandoning him, even though he supposedly knew this would happen. The quoting David explanation is, to be perfectly honest, crap. Anyone could quote David for his Psalms were available scripture. Plus, why didn't Jesus quote something else, anything else? How about "The Lord is my shepherd..."? That would make a lot more sense. If he knew he would be crucified and went to his death willingly, why would Jesus accuse G-d of forsaking or abandoning him? Therefore, Jesus was without faith in his most vulnerable moment.

Then on the other hand, we have Abraham way back in the beginning of the Bible. G-d tells Abraham to sacrifice his favored son, Isaac, to Him. Abraham, though reluctant, takes Isaac up to Mount Moriah to do as G-d says. He was totally about to kill Isaac. He didn't know that G-d was going to stop him at the last minute. Talk about faith. Abraham had faith that G-d knew what was right and ultimately had control over him and what would happen.

So why do I compare this two very different events? Isn't it obvious? Jesus, who knew what would happen, lost faith in G-d. But Abraham, who didn't know what would happen, did have faith in G-d. The Jesus episode is just one of a billion contradictions that exist in the New Testament. From the decent chunk of the "Old Testament" I've read I recognize strong continuity in the text that is not broken like it is in the New.

 I guess I just naturally gravitate toward the stories and lessons in the Hebrew Bible and away from those in the New Testament.