Meeting with the Rabbi

I met with my rabbi yesterday, and I think I can officially say I am converting to Judaism. I never thought of converting to a religion as an ongoing process until I learned the ins and outs of converting to Judaism. To say one is converting to Christianity, it's more like saying one is going to convert at such and such point. But to say one is converting to Judaism, it's like saying one is in the process of converting. So, I think the process has officially begun.

My rabbi is really cool, kinda spacey, but still really cool. The reason I really wanted to work with him is because I have heard he is a wonderfully amazing teacher, and isn't that what every convert needs? I think I really lucked out here.

Let me say now, before any questions from readers come up: I am converting with a Conservative rabbi. I have expressed a couple of concerns with Orthodoxy and Orthodox conversion in the past so you probably knew I would go liberal. I love the Reform movement and so much of what it stands for. But I do not like Reform services. At the Hillel I go to I like them. They only use a guitar. But throw in a piano, organ, or flute, and I completely shut down. It reminds me too much of church and I can't concentrate or pray. I start staring at the ceiling or looking at the building structure. I just can't do it. I love the Conservative services I attend so I feel very comfortable converting in the Conservative movement.

That being said, let's talk about acceptance from other Jews. Apparently, where I live, it's not much of an issue. My rabbi told me the Orthodox rabbis generally accept his converts. Now, I know the Chabad rabbi and rebbitzen at my university don't but I literally couldn't care any less about what they think. If the Modern Orthodox and regular Orthodox are cool with it, then that's a huge bonus for me. I had already dealt with the issue and expected not to be accepted by any Orthodox. In Israel, you'd think there would be a problem, right? Apparently not. Three of his converts have made aliyah and have had no issues. Yes, one of them was recently married in Israel without having to reconvert.

Another Conservative rabbi in different part of the country told my rabbi that he has pretty strict standards for conversion and that maybe their shul should reevaluate their process and model after him. Perhaps the Orthodox in our town and in Israel recognize the conversions are truly halachically kosher? I am not sure but it's pretty awesome that Jews to the right of him accept his conversions. I guess real life is very different than the hypothetical cases I read online...


We talked about my background (obviously) and he took the paper I wrote to read later. I also made up a list of all the learning I have done in the last 19+ months, a Jewish resume, if you will. He seemed impressed with all the reading I've done and recognized that I would have no problem with the final essay exam we have to do.

We've got a good mix of people in the class. It's not just a conversion class, but it can lead to conversion. That's why they call it Introduction to Judaism. There is a couple taking it who moved to the Jewish part of the city and realized they wanted to know more about the religion of their neighbors. There are some born Jews who just want to learn more about their religion. And of course, there are people converting. So far there are about 10 people signed up and more will come in the next couple of weeks, he said, even though the class starts Sunday.

All in all, I am pretty excited that this process is getting started after so long studying alone. By next fall I could be a Jew.

Mashiach ~ משיח

I remember being in Sunday school when I was about four or five and learning for the first time that Jesus was a Jew. The teacher told us that Jesus was a good little Jewish boy: he respected his parents, loved G-d, and prayed at the Temple. I'd never heard this word, "Jewish," before. I asked my mom later in the car, "Mom, if Jesus was Jewish, why aren't I Jewish?"

"Well," she told me. "The people who accepted that Jesus was the Messiah became Christians, and the people who didn't stayed Jews."

"Oh. So who's their Messiah?" 

"He hasn't come yet." 

"When's he coming?" 

"I don't know. They don't know." 

"Oh, well... I hope he comes soon!"

I had virtually no understanding of what the Messiah means in either religion. I just wanted Jews to have their version of what we had. It's only fair. I was a kind child in that sense, wanting equality for all. When I grew up, I still really had no idea what Messiah meant but I knew that Jesus supposedly had saved us from something. But it didn't makes sense that he didn't save everyone. Why would he only save the people who believed he saved them? Anyway, in those fights I had with my parents about religion, church, and Jesus I remember yelling, "What good did Jesus even do the world? There is still war and starvation. Terrible things still happen. We weren't saved from anything!" I wasn't cognizant of it, but I knew what the Messiah meant, and Jesus wasn't him.

As an adult, I still only knew about the Christianized telling of the Messiah, the one where the Messiah was the Son of G-d and Savior of man kind from the fiery pits of hell. I justifiably thought there was no Messiah and there never would be. I thought Jews were as delusional as Christians for waiting for something so unrealistic. But then I really discovered Judaism, real Judaism not just Channukah, the Rugrats Passover special, and the Christian explanation of the Messiah. Jewish beliefs about G-d and humanity are so sound, practical, and meaningful. I worried that I wanted to be a part of something that had a nonsensical belief hiding at its core.

When I went to buy my first introduction to Judaism book at the bookstore, I saw in the table of contents of Judaism for Dummies the page with the question "Why don't Jews believe in Jesus?" I knew all of my concerns could be addressed by reading this page. I was scared to find out that Jews really do believe in the coming of the Son of G-d. But they don't. When I finally read that Jews do not believe that one person could be the son of G-d, I sighed a huge sigh of relief, knowing there could be a space for me in Judaism.

The messianic age will mark an age of peace on earth in which every day is like Shabbat. Sounds fabulous!

Now, I still don't know how I feel about a personal Messiah. Reform Judaism believes in a Messianic age that will be brought about by humans' collective actions. The Orthodox believe in a person who will come redeem the world, a man from the line of David. The Conservative Movement believes it is up to each person to choose what he or she believes. Since I most identify with the Conservative Movement and will be working with a Conservative Rabbi, I get to choose what I believe. I like what the Reform movement has to say. It is much like what the Kabbalists teach: each person has a messianic awakening inside of him/herself. I think that is not only possible, but truly necessary to peace among people.

At first, I totally rejected the traditional Jewish belief about an individual Messiah. I found it too similar to the Jesus idea. But after a long time learning and thinking, it's not similar to Jesus at all. I learned that Paul, the guy who spread Christianity, was actually a traditional, practicing Jew who rejected that Jesus was the Messiah. Then he went out in the desert, had a vision, and reimagined the meaning of the Messiah. And that's how we got Christianity as we know it today. So the traditional, ancient, Jewish belief that a human being as one of G-d's many children will lead humanity into an age of peace doesn't freak me out. It's just  I just think about the Messiah in terms of practicality. How will anyone know if this person is from the line of David? The only tribal affiliations we know about today are Levites (and their subset, kohaines). There are no Judahites, only Israelites. Second, in order for the Temple to be rebuilt, the Dome of the Rock has to be destroyed/removed/renovated. There can't possibly be peace on earth with that happening.

I would really love for the messianic age to come and it can't hurt to hope for it. But I am very compelled by the idea that we shouldn't wait around for someone to save us and to redeem the world. We each have to work hard at tikkun olam to bring about the coming of the Messiah.

Side note: for those of you considering converting, the tradition says that once the Messiah comes there will be no more conversion to Judaism. Take your time considering and studying, but don't wait forever! I mean, if you believe in that sort of thing. 

L'Chaim

לחיים

This bracelet is the first piece of Judaica I ever bought or owned. I bought it during my first trip to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC. I made my first visit there as I was falling in love with Judaism. My mom and I went to visit my brother at his new home after him living there for at least ten months. I like wearing jewelry that reminds me how precious life is and the importance of living each day to the fullest.  

I used to wear a Livestrong bracelet as the reminder. I started wearing it when one of my best friend's grandfathers died of cancer. He was only in his 60's. She actually had moved across the country less than two years before he died and only made a rare visit back home to us. She came home for his funeral, which happened to coincide with my high school's winter dance. We decided there would be no boys, no dates for this dance. It would be all girls and we would all wear a Livestrong bracelet in remembrance of her grandfather and as a reminder of the importance of living. I continued to wear the bracelet every day after the dance because I appreciated its call to action. The only time I took it off was to compete or perform for dance. Even then, I wore it in between numbers. 

When my aunt was diagnosed with cancer my freshman year, the Livestrong bracelet's original meaning became profoundly real for me. My mom bought one to wear as well. I would play and fiddle with the bracelet and pray that she continue to live as she miraculously has her whole life. Then one winter day during my sophomore year the bracelet broke. It just snapped in half. I was upset about my naked wrist and planned to buy another, just as soon as I found the time to get to the mall. But a short while later I found out that my aunt had scheduled her reconnection surgery which meant the cancer was gone. Coming from a somewhat superstitious family, I took the broken bracelet as a sign and I could not buy another. Wearing the Livestrong bracelet would mean I needed to for my aunt's health.

So when I was in the Museum shop a month later and saw this bracelet I thought, "what a perfect replacement for the Livestrong bracelet on my left wrist." To Life: L'chaim. It's one of my favorite phrases in Judaism because it captures so much of Jewish thought in so few letters. This bracelet also carries with it the lessons of the Shoah. Each life is of infinite value and 6 million Jewish worlds and 5 million non-Jewish worlds were destroyed in six short years.

The importance of life and my family's health was tied into this bracelet immediately after I bought it. On the eight hour drive to Virginia, my mother had developed a blood clot. The clot broke loose as we walked around the city the day we were at the Museum. She started feeling pain in her lung that evening and it increased exponentially the following day. She wasn't sure what was wrong, because it felt like a cramp. I woke up early the last day of our trip to drive her home so she wouldn't be stuck in a DC hospital. Scared for my mother's life, I shaved nearly two hours off the trip. This might have saved her life. That night at our home town hospital she flatlined and spent a week in intensive care. That night was one of the single most scary nights of my life. But she lived. The doctors told us how to improve her health from then on our to prevent another blood clot from ever occurring.

I wear this bracelet not only as a reminder that this is my only life and I must take advantage of that, but as an expression of my Judaism. I have always worn it on shabbat, but I also have worn it at random times throughout the week when I felt comfortable expressing who I am deep in my soul. It's hard when the bracelet calls other people's attention and they wonder why I'm wearing it if I'm not Jewish. But now, I don't really care and most people who see it know my story. And by now, most new people don't question it because I seem Jewish. I know too much to be a gentile.

This bracelet will always be precious to me because it holds stories of my life, the history of the Jewish people, and expressions of the Jewish beliefs I connect to most.

Anxiety & Excitement About the Coming Year

My rabbi (hopefully) finally just returned from sabbatical. He was at shul yesterday and said to call him this week to set up a meeting before the conversion class starts. I'm super excited. And I'm super nervous. This rabbi is supposedly one of the best in town and I don't want to mess anything up with him. I really want to work with him because I've heard amazing things about his teaching and patience.

Since I tend to forget everything when I am nervous and talking, I decided I should write something down for him. I'm a pretty good writer and that way I can make sure to articulate all the really important things I think he should know. I could convince him that I will be a righteous convert in writing. Except, when I actually sat down to write, too much came out and now he'll probably never read it. Eighteen pages is too long for him; this I am sure. But I won't lie, I love that it so neatly came out to chai pages. I pulled some information from this blog, but it is mostly new. I may post the paper in segments in the future.

I also made up a Jewish resume of sorts. I want him to know right where I am in my learning, my experiences, and observance. This was sort of my intuition as a future teacher. It can take weeks to figure out what a student actually knows. I figured I would help him along and save us both time.

Every time I go to shul the cantors and rabbis ask whatever friend I've schlepped in for the week and me about coming to High Holiday services. They seem to love opening up to college students who can't get home. There is no charge, obviously, but students don't even have to call ahead to get a ticket. You can just show up. I am really excited to spend the High Holy Days at an actual synagogue. Don't get me wrong, I love that Hillel does services for free for students. But they are incomplete and often rushed. They only do three services on Yom Kippur so you end up sitting at home, alone, all afternoon thinking about how hungry you are.

All in all, I have an exciting year coming up and I'm ready to get started.

Critical Response to a Critic

Usually when I get rude or disrespectful comments, I send them to spam and ignore them. However, I got one today that I didn't want to let disappear into cyberspace. This commenter is clearly new to my blog and I thought addressing some of his concerns would give my readers a chance to understand me and my blog a little better, especially if they came late in the game and never went back to the first 5 blog posts. I will not post the person's name but he will know who he is. I do not intend to embarrass or publicly shame him, though it is clear that from his comment that was his intention toward me. These things are forbidden by Jewish Law, not mention common courtesy. On my most recent post Catholic Enough for Hell, the commenter, who will be known as the Orthodox Critic from here on out, wrote

It's not clear to me that you are Catholic enough to be Jewish. Orthodox Judaism has a long historical relationship with the Lord. Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era. So, if you are converting to anything other than Orthodox Judaism, you aren't really converting to anything but modernism. You don't need to be Jewish in order to be modern. You can do that without needing any "conversion classes" at all - just agree with what the world teaches, and you are essentially Reform Jewish, even Conservative Jewish. Everyone remakes God in their image, instead of allowing themselves to be changed by God so that each of us reflects His image. It sounds like you would rather not be changed - if that's true, then your "conversion" to some modern variant of Judaism isn't going to stick very long. You'll soon discover that you can be as modern as you want without bothering about Judaism, or any faith system, at all. 

My initial impression is that the Orthodox Critic intends to guard Judaism like a secret club and does not recognize any Judaism but his own as legitimate. But I will give him the benefit of the doubt and address his concerns point by point.

It's not clear to me that you are Catholic enough to be Jewish. Orthodox Judaism has a long historical relationship with the Lord.

I am not sure what the Critic means by "not Catholic enough to be Jewish." If I were Catholic, I could not be Jewish. And the last time I checked, Orthodox Judaism has NOT had a long historical relationship with Jesus. However, if it has, then I certainly have no interest in practicing Orthodox Judaism. If he means that I did not practice a strict enough Catholicism growing up in order to be Jewish, on the first half he would be correct; on the second half - how does that matter? Why would practicing a strict interpretation of any religion affect how I practice Judaism? Clearly, converting to a new religion means that I did not connect to the original religion. It's not possible to sincerely practice any version of Christianity if you don't believe in Jesus Christ. I thought that was a given, but apparently not.

Furthermore, if the Orthodox Critic had read the rest of my blog and had not jumped to his own wackadoodle conclusions, he would know that my faith in G-d is central to who I am. I believe that G-d created the universe and plays a role in the course of human history. I believe in G-d so strongly that I am willing to join the most persecuted group of people - who also happen to have the strictest standards of any religion for joining them  - just so that I can act on my faith in its purest form.

 Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era. So, if you are converting to anything other than Orthodox Judaism, you aren't really converting to anything but modernism.

I will grant the Orthodox Critic his first claim here. Yes, Reform Judaism developed in the 19th century and Conservative in the 20th. NEWS FLASH: Orthodox Judaism developed AFTER Reform Judaism. Therefore, you can not say that Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era without admitting that Orthodox is, too. If you believe that the Orthodox Judaism practiced today is the same as Judaism practiced in the 17th century, 10th century, 1st century, or at the time of Moses, you are sorely mistaken. However, all forms of Judaism are a continuation of the tradition developed after the giving of the Torah at Sinai. The Rabbis explicitly said that each generation must interpret the Torah for themselves. Jewish texts including the Talmud have always noted the dissenting and losing legal opinions so that new generations could look to those interpretations. It is possible the dissenting opinion for generation X would work for generation X+1 or X+10.

If I convert to Orthodox Judaism, I would be converting to a modern form of Judaism. But what I think the Orthodox Critic was really trying to say is that no other Judaism is true except for Orthodox Judaism. That is his opinion. 90% of American Jews would strongly disagree. I'm sure they love being told their Judaism is fake. Third on this point, how does one "convert to modernism"? "Modernism" isn't a religion or even a philosophy of any kind. It's an extremely ambiguous term that can only be defined relatively. I already live in the modern world so how could I convert to living modernly? Is that what he meant?

You don't need to be Jewish in order to be modern. You can do that without needing any "conversion classes" at all - just agree with what the world teaches, and you are essentially Reform Jewish, even Conservative Jewish.

 No, I definitely don't have to be Jewish to be modern. But my goal is not to be modern. My goal is to be around people who understand G-d and humanity in a similar fashion that I do. My goal is to study Torah and to live a Jewish life. Jewish values and holidays are meaningful to me. I love going to shul. I love discussing the words of the Torah and current events from a Jewish perspective. Most of all, my goal is to join people who want me to join them. The Orthodox Critic is clearly not open to making me a part of his community, and that is fine with me. I want to make my community out of liberal or open Jews, not close-minded ones. Just as I don't make friends with close minded people, I will not make a community out of close-minded Jews.

I don't necessarily need to take a conversion class; he is somewhat correct. The class is about learning in a group (something Judaism loves) and meeting other potential Jews-by-Choice. They would be a part of my community and we would always be a special sub-group of Jews. Meeting them and knowing them is important. But moreso, the class is about studying, and the only way to become Jewish is by studying. A gentile absolutely cannot become any kind of Jew without converting. 

How can one "agree with what the world teaches"? What does the world teach? If by world you mean people in the world, one must choose a viewpoint. Different religions and philosophies focus on different things. It is impossible to agree with all of them, otherwise there would be no separate ideas or differing opinions. There is no "agreeing with what the world teaches;" one must choose a line of thought and go with it. That is what I am doing.

I'm not sure if the last part of his point means that he believes any "modern" person is a Reform or Conservative Jew... That really doesn't make any sense. Does he think that liberal Christians are liberal Jews? Does he believe only Orthodox Jews are Jews? Both would be wrong. Even Orthodox rabbis know that halachically speaking, a Jew is a Jew. It doesn't matter if they disagree with the kind of Judaism most American Jews practice; they're still Jews.

Everyone remakes God in their image, instead of allowing themselves to be changed by God so that each of us reflects His image. It sounds like you would rather not be changed - if that's true, then your "conversion" to some modern variant of Judaism isn't going to stick very long. You'll soon discover that you can be as modern as you want without bothering about Judaism, or any faith system, at all. 

I've never encountered anything or anyone to support your claim that everyone "remakes G-d in their image." If he means to say that people tend to say G-d agrees with their point of view, then yes that's certainly true. It sounds like maybe he is doing that himself. But in Judaism, everyone must wrestle with G-d to come to their own understanding of Him. So, depending on how he means "remake," he could be right. He is saying something that Judaism actually encourages. Jews have different understandings of the nature G-d but the point is to believe in Him in some way.

To say that it "sounds like I don't want to be changed" based on a post I wrote about Catholicism and my inability to change to meet their requirements is completely inapplicable to Judaism. There is no evidence in any of my blog or in my life that I don't want to change. In fact, in the post the Orthodox Critic read and commented on I said

I let my beliefs change, grow, and expand in a non-Catholic way

and

I want to continue to grow and learn on the path I set myself on seven years ago.

How could someone possibly interpret that as resistant to change? I have changed a great deal since I was 14 years old and was confirmed in the Catholic Church. My life has changed and my soul has expanded. But my core has remained constant. I will admit that. Certain things remain constant but other things change a great deal. Someone once said to me that all major life changes should only make us more of who we already are. That means a lot of exterior things and some interior things will change but the central parts of who we are should not change. So, no, I don't want those central parts of me to change, otherwise I wouldn't be me.

I am quite aware that one need not be Jewish to be modern, we both already established that. But once more I'll reiterate, becoming a Jew has nothing to do with being modern. In fact, how is celebrating a dinner in a fashion set many centuries ago to remember an event that happened literally thousands of years ago modern? How is not eating pork or shellfish because a thousands year old book said not to modern? Judaism isn't really modern. People have figured out ways for it to survive in the modern world, though, including Orthodox Jews.

Finally, Orthodox Critic, it is clear you don't want me to be a Jew. Luckily, it's not your choice and it's none of your business. That goes for any Debbie or Donnie Downer out there. You are entitled to your opinion, but your opinion is not fact or law. If you want to actually discuss something here on my blog, feel free to do so. But making sweeping statements like this one is not acceptable.


I would like to say to anyone who reads this blog, that I have no issue with Orthodox Judaism or Jews. I have an issue with people like this Orthodox Critic who insist on closing Judaism to others and who think their Judaism is the only Judaism. I actually love much of what Orthodox Judaism has to offer. I considered Orthodox conversion but realized there were a few things that I just couldn't agree with and knew I wouldn't be able to stand it. For example, it's not the mechitza itself I have a problem with. I know many women who appreciate being able to pray away from their husbands or boyfriends. It allows them time and space to focus on prayer and communicating with G-d. I've been to shul with a mechitza and their point it true. It's what men have on their side of the mechitza that I take issue with. Only men sit with the Torah and can be called to the Torah. I believe that when G-d said that the words of the Torah are not in heaven so that you can't access them but here with us on earth, that He was talking to everyone, not just men. It doesn't make sense to me that only men should have access to the words, truth, and guidance of the Torah.

I hope I have made who I am a little clearer to everyone, including the Orthodox Critic. Feel free to ask questions but, please, refrain from judgmental accusations.

Catholic Enough For Hell

What does it mean "Catholic enough for hell"?

I actually heard this in a documentary about orthodox converts to Judaism, so it's not at all original. A man was giving a talk about his conversion to Judaism and he said (roughly) "When people find out I converted and grew up Catholic, their next question is always 'well, just how Catholic were you?' And I tell them, I was Catholic enough that I knew I was going to hell. So I changed religions." It was a joke, but not really. I could feel that there was truth in his words and understood the pain he'd once felt. When I heard this, it described my feelings about the church pretty well, and now that I am certain I want to convert, the description is dead on.

I figured out pretty early in my childhood that what the church was teaching and I believe (slash, was taught at home) were two very different things. When I think back on the things my parents/family taught me, this is what I remember: G-d said, "be a good person;" respect your parents; do what you can to help others; it is a sin to waste your talents, your G-d given talents. No one ever told me only Catholics go to heaven or only Catholics can be saved. My parents never condemned people to hell or even taught me about purgatory (that is, until I watched the movie Purgatory with my dad). My parents never preached that I needed to "wait" until marriage, that life begins at conception, or that birth control is bringing about the demise of the traditional family structure. And no one really made it seem like Jesus was central to any of those tenants.

When I was young, I didn't notice the disconnect. I saw nothing peculiar about learning one thing at home and one thing at CCD. I learned different things at home than at school, so why should religious school be any different? If I did, by some chance, notice a discrepancy I'd side with my parents (Honor your father and your mother that you may long endure, Exodus 20:12), for it was always my parents who truly had my best interest in mind. As I got older, I started to realize that the things I believe were not the same thing the church told me I need to believe. I tried to understand what they were telling me, but it didn't make any sense. After a long time I realized I would not change, I could not change. I just accepted that we didn't agree. According to them, I was most likely going to go to hell (might as well live it up).

Once I decided to live by the tenants that I identified with and not the ones the church tried to force on me, living became easier. But the problems always came when I sat around thinking. I thought maybe I should be doing something more Catholic, trying to live by what they told me at CCD. I always came back to the same conclusion: I was going to go to hell. In fact, most of my family was probably going to to hell, too. They didn't seem too distressed about it, so why should I be?

I let my beliefs change, grow, and expand in a non-Catholic way. I knew I was damned according to their logic either way, so I should try to be a good person the way I see it. I eventually realized that G-d is a loving, merciful G-d and what they said couldn't be true. After years of thought, estrangement, strained prayer, and social justice work, I discovered a place where my beliefs about G-d and the world would be accepted. I couldn't believe at first that Jews believe what I believe or they live in a way I think one should live. I couldn't believe, most of all, that not all Jews believe the same things. There are different opinions on every topic. There is no dogma.

Now, here I am more than a year and a half after I first discovered there could be a place in the world for me. I don't have to be a lone wolf if I don't want to be. It has been long enough, and it's time to change religions. I am not going to hell and no one could convince me otherwise.

I want to continue to grow and learn on the path I set myself on seven years ago. One day, I want to share all that I have learned with my children, and my children's children. Today in shul I realized just how much that means to me when we read these words:

But take utmost care and watch yourselves scrupulously, so that you do not forget the things that you saw with your own eyes and so that they do not fade from your mind as long as you live. And make them known to your children and to your children's children. [Deuteronomy 4:9]

 Passing on who I am is of the utmost importance to me and that is what Moses implored the Israelites to do in this week's Torah portion. These words are truly eternal.

In exactly three weeks, my conversion/introduction to Judaism class begins. Does that mean I am officially converting to Judaism now?

THE Conversion Crisis

The conversion crisis or conversion conflict is confusing, overwhelming, and infuriating. In a nutshell, this is the crisis: there are four main movements in Judaism (really at least seven) and they lie on a spectrum. Each movement to the right does not accept the conversions done in the movement to the left. That is, the Conservative movement does not accept the conversions done in the Reform or Reconstructionist movement; the Orthodox movement does not accept the conversions done in the Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist movements. Conservative accepts Orthodox and Reform and Reconstructionist accept everyone's. Israel makes things more complicated. Any conversion done outside eretz Yisrael (the land of Israel) is valid for aliyah purposes: any convert can get immediate citizenship. But only converts who complete RCA Orthodox conversions are considered Jewish by the rabbinu, meaning only they are allowed to marry and be buried in a Jewish cemetery (that is, without having to reconvert).

What... a mess.

This was the simplified version. The reality is, many rabbis from all movements recognize the problem and call for a solution. The reality also is, that the Jewish community just can't seem to find a solution. From 1978-1983 there was an attempt at a solution that ultimately failed called the Denver Program. Potential converts to Judaism would study with rabbis from all movements in a pluralistic way and the convert in front of a beit din, again with rabbis from all movements. The project ultimately collapsed when the Reform movement issued the acceptance of patrilineal descent. The Orthodox and Conservative movements couldn't fathom something that deviates from traditional halacha. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin (author of Jewish Literacy - buy it, now), a well respected Modern Orthodox rabbi, has advocated for a solution accepting converts of all movements among all movements.

It seems it would be impossible to get everyone to agree. There are so many opinions, how could everyone agree to a standard for conversion? Well, it would be simpler if everyone looked at the halacha prescribed in the Talmud and then said OK let's do it. The Talmud gives very view tasks for the conversion process. Only to study and go to the mikvah, and circumcision for a man. But everyone views "study," the beit dein requirements, and acceptance of the mitzvote differently.

The cut and dry version I outlined above, also, isn't so cut and dry. I started to realize this when a reform convert I know told me she would probably join a Conservative shul when it was time for her children to go to Sunday/Hebrew school. I emailed several rabbis asking their opinion on the state of the conversion crisis. The email generally went as follows.

Dear Rabbi so and so,

I was wondering, in your professional opinion, where do you think the American Jewish Community stands in solving the conversion crisis (that is, orthodox not recognizing nonorthodox conversions, conservative not recognizing reform, israel only recognizing RCA orthodox)? It's been apparent since the 19th century in Germany that there is a major problem, yet here we are in the 21st and nothing seems to be solved. As someone who is ready to begin serious study with a rabbi, I find the crisis overwhelming and confusing. Any born Jew can move from movement to movement if he/she so chooses. That does not seem to be an option for the convert. It would make sense to me if we converted first then chose a movement/shul to belong to. 

Some rabbis replied immediately, which was surprising since I did it late in the evening, but by the end of the day Tuesday, I had gotten all the replies I was going to get. What I learned is that not every Orthodox rabbi rejects converts from the liberal movements and most rabbis are understanding and sympathize with converts. It is a mess and they know it. The reform rabbis are the most hopeful that acceptance is coming and progress is being made (especially in Israel). Unfortunately, the conservative rabbis were the most negative. They believe that the movements are diverging and things will only get worse. The Orthodox were certainly the most understanding and kind. Everyone (almost) said to follow my heart.

I had a follow up phone conversation with the director of the Jewish Outreach Institute (a reform rabbi) and he gave me some pretty interesting and helpful statistics. They did a study a few years ago in which they asked conservative rabbis if they would accept the conversions of a reform rabbi, if they were done according to halacha. The study showed that about 50% of the rabbis would accept those conversions and about 50% wouldn't. They didn't do the study asking traditional or Orthodox rabbis, but he said he imagined the numbers would be the same. Ultimately, he said, it is up to the individual rabbi whether or not my conversion or my children would be accepted. In the case of my children not being accepted, they would need only to dip in the mikvah to solve their status problem. And in the end, there will always be someone standing to our right, questioning us, but that need not stop us from pursing Judaism and G-d.

In truth, I know of a case in my town, at my college, in which a person's status was questioned and the fix was not a simple trip to the mikvah. But I am going to go ahead and believe the reform rabbi and call that an extraordinary case. I am going to be hopeful with the reform rabbi. Why am I going to be so hopeful? Because of the Orthodox rabbis. One of them said to me,

I couldn't agree with you more... Know that I identify strongly with your feelings and your suggestion that we convert first in some generic fashion and then choose a movement was once the position of a right wing Orthodox rabbi, but he was shot down but his colleagues so he retracted the responsa.   It is a fractured world and we too are fractured people.  I do hope that I haven't dissuaded you.

He offered me no solution, I know. But a right wing Orthodox rabbi suggested generic conversion? Perhaps there will be no solution, ever, but not all Orthodox rabbis or Orthodox people are set on guarding Judaism like a secret club. They are the people we should seek out as allies, but more importantly, as friends. In truth, we will never know or come into contact with every Jew on the planet. Our communities are what matters, and if we make a community filled with accepting people, including the Orthodox, then we are doing exactly what we should. It's all we can do. 

Through this little project I have become much more comfortable with the idea of conversion in the context of the Jewish world. Much of my discomfort has come with the non-Jewish world accepting it and I concentrated on dealing with that first. Now I have dealt with both. That's not to say I have completely reconciled either issue; I am just in a place now where I am very comfortable with the idea in respect to the Jewish and non-Jewish worlds. In my opinion, that's a pretty good place to be a month before my conversion class starts.

There is no truth. Adonai Eloheichem Emet. 

G-d is truth. Not us. -Rabbi Andrea