Reconciliation & Rebellion

Reconciliation spurred my first real rebellion against church and religion. Rather than boredom, this was a theological issue. I have only received this sacrament 3 times in my life. Each time was with my CCD class. Reconciliation/confession starts in 4th grade and you're supposed to go on a regular basis (monthly - if not, yearly). I kept it to the minimum by going with my CCD classes once a year.

I was not (and am not) the only one who hated the idea of telling a priest yours sins and being given a punishment for it. Since I went in the CCD groups, all the other kids went to public schools too which meant most of their parents weren't observant enough to send them to parochial schools. We all thought confession was dumb. We would get in groups of our friends and talk about what exactly we were gonna tell the priest. We'd come up with three specific examples to tell him; usually fighting with parents, with siblings, and with friends were among the three. We'd get our 5 minutes with the priest, he'd tell us how to repent*, then we'd gossip with each other while we waited for everyone else to finish. It was quite a ridiculous process.

I know there are many people like me who hate the idea of priests acting as intermediaries between people and G-d. I have never kept this a secret from anyone, including my mother. After my final confession in 6th grade, she picked me up in front of the church and asked me how it went. I said it was fine. Then she asked me what I talked about with the priest. Instead of pleading the fifth and telling her that was between me and the priest, I told her "nothin' really." She said, "What do you mean? You're supposed to tell him your sins so you can be forgiven." Screw that. I told her, "If G-d is all knowing, then G-d knows what I did wrong, and He knows when I'm sorry. I don't need a priest to tell Him."

What could my mother** say? Her 12 year old had thought it out very thoroughly, and didn't need the sacraments of the Catholic Church.



*I think once the priest told me if I did an extra chore for my mother, like emptying the dishwasher, then I would be forgiven for fighting with her. How silly.

**My mom hasn't been to confession at least since this incident. I don't know what influence I had or when her last one really was. Is is my fault? Is there even blame to be placed? I can't really answer that right now.