Uncomfortable questions

Last night at Hillel was Jummah Shabbat, put on by the Muslim-Jewish Dialogue group on campus. There was a lot of interfaith discussion happening at dinner. Let me also say that this was the week my roommate decided she would finally check out Hillel with me. When she said she was Catholic to our table, the Muslim guy with us might have had a small heart attack. His eyes popped out of his head, and he immediately turned to me and pointedly said - not asked - that I was Catholic, too. He couldn't believe his luck: Jews on each side of him and two Catholics across the table from him. You could see all the prejudice running through his head. I think that he over came a lot of that through this dinner, which is good because that's the whole point of interfaith dialogue. But that's not really my point. My point is he and the Muslim girl leading the discussion made me feel super uncomfortable. Now, let me be clear, it was not because they are Muslim. I definitely don't think that. It just so happened that this week, two Muslims made me feel uncomfortable instead of the usual Orthodox Jewish guy.

Last night and at so many other times, people have projected their predetermined prejudice against Catholics onto me. But what they are completely ignorant of is that I have those same issues with Catholics & the Church and then some. Instead of trying to get to know me, they put me in a box. A box in which I don't belong. People who know me, the Christians and the Catholics, know I don't belong with them in the same faith box. They never put me there. I'm not a boxy person, but I know that I am technically a Catholic. I've received 4 of the 7 sacraments, and I've got one hell of an Italian last name. Can't really get around it.

And what's more, is that the guy didn't stop when I said "Yes, I was raised Catholic." He inferred from this that I was now Jewish and asked "And you converted?" In his eyes you could see that he was in total disbelief - why on earth would someone convert from Catholicism to Judaism? Well, I could name at least 127 reasons, but I simply said "No. I am not anything." Luckily, one of my friends chimed in and explained to him, "She just likes to learn about a lot of different religions and be well rounded." Phew. We finished that round of discussion questions and then I was out. My roommate and I just talked quietly to each other until dessert, which we ate in the lobby.

As if that episode of name stereotyping wasn't enough for one night, I've got an even better one for ya. The rabbi walks up to us and asks us how our discussion went and I told her not that great and recounted the story. Did she say, "Oh don't worry about it"? Nope. Rather, she asked "When you convert," big emphasis on the when, "are you gonna change your name? It's totally gonna call you out if you don't. Jews just don't name their kids Mary."

Before I tell you the next thing she said to me, I should tell you that at the beginning of the year when I talked to her, her tune was a little different. After about three Shabbat dinners, I decided I needed to make sure she knew I wasn't Jewish. I mean, that's something the rabbi should know about a regular. I told her I figured she knew since my name is Mary and all, but I just had to make sure. Her response was along the lines of "Not really - but that's totally fine! Kids have lots of different names these days. I'm just glad that you come here if you're interested in Judaism because so many people are afraid." That made me feel great back in September. Now it's winter and things are a little gloomier...

So, I told her "No. I don't know. Probably not. I mean, it's my name." Blah blah blah. She replied, "Yeah, I didn't." Then that was pretty much the end of the conversation and she went to talk to some other people. Like, really?!?! You finally tell me that you converted to Judaism and just leave me hanging? Nothing else? Now, granted I totally figured this out in December when she was talking about Christmas and Santa and seemed to know a little more and have a little more to say than the average Jew. She definitely was speaking from experience. It was a total bonding moment. But then we didn't have very many more and I figured she didn't want to talk about being a convert so she pulled away or something. I have no idea any more...

-----------------------------------------------------

OK. On the one hand, these moments where people obsess about my name and make me feel like I don't belong definitely put me back about 5 steps. Good thing I ended up not telling my mother that I want to convert to Judaism because now things are up in the air again. I know it seems stupid but how am I supposed to take it when people tell me that my name - something that is literally a part of who I am - needs to go? And on the other hand, I've got a rabbi who converted to Judaism, which makes her the ultimate resource for me, and I have no idea what to do with her. Oy.