Post-Holiday Dysphoria

Sigh. The holidays are over. It's a sigh of relief but also a sigh of sadness. It's hard when all the holidays come right after another but it's also really cool. My Yom Kippur was epic. I spent something like 14 hours in shul. On YK day, I woke up and just kind of sat in my room because I didn't know what to do. It's the one day where I don't have to eat breakfast, make coffee, put on make up, or do anything elaborate to get ready. I brushed my hair and teeth and put on my clothes. I was actually early to shul, for the first time and probably the last until next YK. As you have probably heard or figured out, most people can't be quiet during high holiday services. Most of them aren't regulars and are catching up with people or talking about people they haven't seen in a long time. In my opinion, this is the last thing one should be doing on YK but I'm probably just being a zealous convert. So, Yom Kippur is one of the four holidays on which we do the Yizkor service. Yizkor is about remembering family members, friends, and Jews in general who've died. It's kind of a yarzeit for everyone. Yizkor comes after the Torah service in the morning service and before the musaf service. Apparently everyone in my shul dislikes musaf service so after yizkor more than half the congregation left. But they acted like there wasn't a service going on and were just chattin' away! Oy vey, but what can we do? The clergy was clearly peeved but they know it happens every year. But I still prayed away.

Speaking of praying and spending 14 hours in shul, the rabbis and cantors were surprised by how much time I was spending there for the holidays, but now they know I'm serious sally. I have hardly seen other people from my conversion class at shul. Granted, I don't go every week. I only saw one guy for a little bit on Rosh HaShanah. He came and sat by me so he didn't have to be alone. But he just kind of left without saying goodbye after the Torah service. He told me he still hasn't decided if he wants to be Reform or Conservative, so I don't know if my clear comfort in Conservative services bothered him or freaked him out...? Anyways, I'm kind of seen as a regular now at my shul, which is cool. All the people in conversion class are supposed to get mentors for services, and seven weeks later, I still don't have one. My friends don't think I'm getting one either because the rabbi probably doesn't see it as a pressing need.... But I will always have questions. I want one! Anyways, Yom Kippur was epic and my soul grew, as it is supposed to. Got closer to G-d, to Judaism, and to myself.

Sukkot is great because it starts just a few days after Yom Kippur and it's a pretty chill holiday. You just sit in the sukkah. There are special Sukkot services but you don't have to go to them and have it be a huge thing like on Rosh HaShanah or Yom Kippur. You eat in the sukkah; you do homework in the sukkah; you shmooze in the sukkah. It's an all around great holiday.

Then, we cap it off with Simchat Torah! Simchat Torah is when we finish the Torah cycle and start all over. At the evening and morning service, there are seven hakafot, which means to dance and sing with the Torah. I didn't really know this but it's a drinking holiday. There was a liquor table at the back of the shul and every time people circled around the back during each hakafa, they were drinking and taking shots. It's kind of a free for all. This was my rabbi's highlight of the year because he is a huge goofball. This and Purim are probably his favorite holidays. Moral of the story: I really, really like Simchat Torah.

Clearly, I had a great holiday season, but now there is nothing until Chanukkah. Well tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh, but we don't get out of our Jewish studies classes for that so I don't consider it a real holiday.

Rosh HaShanah 5773

Chag sameach and Shanah Tova everyone! In just a few hours my favorite holiday will officially begin. I am rushing around my apartment trying to get ready both for dinner and for services. But I wanted to take a few minutes to share some more thoughts on Rosh HaShanah. Last year was my first one and I absolutely fell in love. In some ways, observing the High Holidays was when my real commitment to Judaism began. By this time last year, I wasn't just committed to Jewish ideas and values but to Jewish life. I just needed to experience more Jewish life! This year I've really been looking forward to Rosh HaShanah, and one of my 10Q question explains my personal connection to it.

Day 5: 

Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth. 

Your Answer: 

Going to Shabbat at Hillel for the first time was very spiritual. Hearing the shofar blown and hearing a real cantor sing a prayer for the first time at the 9.11 memorial was extremely moving. I found myself smiling listening to him. And I got goosebumps when I heard the shofar. Also, hearing the shofar on Rosh Hashanah was totally awesome. I also got goosebumps then, and I felt truly awakened - just as the shofar is supposed to do. And experiencing my first Torah service on Rosh Hashanah was something to be remembered. I'd never seen a Torah in person before and getting to see the reverence that everyone paid to the Torah was awe-inspiring. After/during Rosh Hashanah was when it sort of became solidified that Judaism is the religion for me. No other experiences, traditions, or symbols of Christianity ever affected me the way the shofar and Torah service did.

Tonight, I will know Aveinu Malkanu; I will be able to read new and old prayers in Hebrew; I will stand with my Jewish friends and be connected to them and all the Jews throughout space and time.

Tonight, you can expect to see a lot of Jews you've never seen at services before. You can expect new melodies for all the prayers. But the service tonight will be nearly identical to other evening services. You can expect the air to feel different, because the new year brings new feelings of excitement and reverence for G-d.

Tomorrow, services will look different. When the shofar is blown, expect three different notes to be played. Teki'ah is one long blast. Shevarine is three broken sounds. And Teru'ah is nine staccato notes. There are four different combinations of these three notes.

Tomorrow evening will be the tashlich service. Tashlich means "casting forth" and in this service you cast away your sins. This casting is symbolized by throwing bread pieces into a living body of water.

If this is your first Rosh HaShanah celebration, mazel tov on making such and important decision and being committed enough to do so :)

To all my readers, l'shanah tova tikatevu. May you be inscribed for a good year!

The High Holidays: Torah Services

The High Holidays were the first time I was a part of a Torah service. Before them, I had only attended Friday night services. It was amazing to be a part of these services. The way that people honor and respect the Torah scrolls is unlike anything I've seen. I was probably missing something growing up, but I never felt awe like that in church. Seeing my friends called up to the Torah to make the blessings was awesome. They knew just what to do. Some of them didn't even need to look in the prayer book for what to say. It was almost instinctive. For people who didn't know exactly what was going on, like me, one of the rabbis noted quietly at one point, "You always do what the Torah does: the Torah stands, you stand; the Torah sits, you sit." The ceremony for reading Torah aloud is quite elaborate. During those services I saw Judaism come to life in a new way. I don't have much else to say except that it was beautiful.

The High Holidays: Rosh HaShanah

Two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what the High Holidays were. I've known since junior high or late elementary school that Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and it occurs in the fall - it was always printed in our school planners. Probably in high school is when either the planners started adding in more holidays or I just started noticing Rosh HaShanah. I had no idea that they were not only a pair of holy days, but thee holy days in Judaism. All of last summer I spent at home with my parents and I was pretty freakin' bored. I read a lot. Thus, I read a lot on these upcoming holidays. I didn't really plan on celebrating them. But since school is in session over Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur, Hillel provides the food and services without the high ticket prices to students. A lot of my friends stayed for the holidays, so I celebrated with them. It was a pretty exciting time.

It all started with apples and honey at the student union the day before Rosh HaShanah began. Who knew that honey complements apples so well? Then we had Rosh HaShanah dinner the next night at Hillel. People were dressed to impress and there were tons of people there who I'd never seen before (I know now these people to be "High Holiday Jews"). Everyone was wishing their friends "Shana tova" and the atmosphere was warm and welcoming. We ate circular challot to represent another cycle of a year beginning again and we poured honey on everything. Sure, some people were normal and limited it to their challah and dessert, but the kid I sat next to and I enjoyed honey on the chicken, too. After dinner, we split off into our respective Reform and Conservative ma'ariv services.

Most of my friends are Reform or prefer Reform Hillel services, so I of course went to the Reform service. It was such an incredible experience. We used a different book (duh) that only had Hebrew and English (i.e. no transliterations). I was surprised at how many things I could manage from memory. At least 75% of what's in a normal service I was able to remember. I wasn't prepared in advance for Avinu Malkeinu, but it was beautiful to listen to.

The rabbi made a few insightful comments that really stuck with me. First, she said that what is great about Judaism is that a new day or a new year doesn't begin when the clock strikes a specific time. A new day, and thus the new year, is determined by the setting of the sun but the sun doesn't just all of a sudden go down. The setting of the sun is a gradual process and so one day blends into another and one year blends into another. We can see the change happening if we step outside or look out the window. Second, she said we should look out at the night sky when we left the service. We wouldn't see the moon because a new month and the new year begin on a new moon, which means no moon. It's like we are literally beginning the new year with a clean slate. I really appreciated these thoughts because I can understand the metaphors and analogies and can relate to them.

A senior student gave a d'var Torah in the middle of the service. I am always surprised at how moved I am by students' d'var's. I know we go to an exceptional college and all, but you just don't think about college students being so insightful when it comes to G-d and religion. So much of what I hear from students is on par with what I hear from rabbis. It's incredible. By now, though, I am used to it. The guy talked about teshuvah (repentance) in terms of coming back to G-d. He said he'd grown so much as a person and in understanding G-d during his college years and that he hoped everyone in the room was taking the time to do the same. He talked about the power of the sound of the shofar. And I can tell you that he was being completely truthful when he said it wakes you up. I wasn't expecting it, even though he said it over and over.

The shofar was truly amazing. The sound reverberates within you. If you've heard it, you know what I mean. If you haven't heard it, you should. It literally and physically awakens you. And after hearing it, you're ready to go out into the world and be a better person.