Critical Response to a Critic

Usually when I get rude or disrespectful comments, I send them to spam and ignore them. However, I got one today that I didn't want to let disappear into cyberspace. This commenter is clearly new to my blog and I thought addressing some of his concerns would give my readers a chance to understand me and my blog a little better, especially if they came late in the game and never went back to the first 5 blog posts. I will not post the person's name but he will know who he is. I do not intend to embarrass or publicly shame him, though it is clear that from his comment that was his intention toward me. These things are forbidden by Jewish Law, not mention common courtesy. On my most recent post Catholic Enough for Hell, the commenter, who will be known as the Orthodox Critic from here on out, wrote

It's not clear to me that you are Catholic enough to be Jewish. Orthodox Judaism has a long historical relationship with the Lord. Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era. So, if you are converting to anything other than Orthodox Judaism, you aren't really converting to anything but modernism. You don't need to be Jewish in order to be modern. You can do that without needing any "conversion classes" at all - just agree with what the world teaches, and you are essentially Reform Jewish, even Conservative Jewish. Everyone remakes God in their image, instead of allowing themselves to be changed by God so that each of us reflects His image. It sounds like you would rather not be changed - if that's true, then your "conversion" to some modern variant of Judaism isn't going to stick very long. You'll soon discover that you can be as modern as you want without bothering about Judaism, or any faith system, at all. 

My initial impression is that the Orthodox Critic intends to guard Judaism like a secret club and does not recognize any Judaism but his own as legitimate. But I will give him the benefit of the doubt and address his concerns point by point.

It's not clear to me that you are Catholic enough to be Jewish. Orthodox Judaism has a long historical relationship with the Lord.

I am not sure what the Critic means by "not Catholic enough to be Jewish." If I were Catholic, I could not be Jewish. And the last time I checked, Orthodox Judaism has NOT had a long historical relationship with Jesus. However, if it has, then I certainly have no interest in practicing Orthodox Judaism. If he means that I did not practice a strict enough Catholicism growing up in order to be Jewish, on the first half he would be correct; on the second half - how does that matter? Why would practicing a strict interpretation of any religion affect how I practice Judaism? Clearly, converting to a new religion means that I did not connect to the original religion. It's not possible to sincerely practice any version of Christianity if you don't believe in Jesus Christ. I thought that was a given, but apparently not.

Furthermore, if the Orthodox Critic had read the rest of my blog and had not jumped to his own wackadoodle conclusions, he would know that my faith in G-d is central to who I am. I believe that G-d created the universe and plays a role in the course of human history. I believe in G-d so strongly that I am willing to join the most persecuted group of people - who also happen to have the strictest standards of any religion for joining them  - just so that I can act on my faith in its purest form.

 Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era. So, if you are converting to anything other than Orthodox Judaism, you aren't really converting to anything but modernism.

I will grant the Orthodox Critic his first claim here. Yes, Reform Judaism developed in the 19th century and Conservative in the 20th. NEWS FLASH: Orthodox Judaism developed AFTER Reform Judaism. Therefore, you can not say that Reform and Conservative Judaism are inventions of the modern era without admitting that Orthodox is, too. If you believe that the Orthodox Judaism practiced today is the same as Judaism practiced in the 17th century, 10th century, 1st century, or at the time of Moses, you are sorely mistaken. However, all forms of Judaism are a continuation of the tradition developed after the giving of the Torah at Sinai. The Rabbis explicitly said that each generation must interpret the Torah for themselves. Jewish texts including the Talmud have always noted the dissenting and losing legal opinions so that new generations could look to those interpretations. It is possible the dissenting opinion for generation X would work for generation X+1 or X+10.

If I convert to Orthodox Judaism, I would be converting to a modern form of Judaism. But what I think the Orthodox Critic was really trying to say is that no other Judaism is true except for Orthodox Judaism. That is his opinion. 90% of American Jews would strongly disagree. I'm sure they love being told their Judaism is fake. Third on this point, how does one "convert to modernism"? "Modernism" isn't a religion or even a philosophy of any kind. It's an extremely ambiguous term that can only be defined relatively. I already live in the modern world so how could I convert to living modernly? Is that what he meant?

You don't need to be Jewish in order to be modern. You can do that without needing any "conversion classes" at all - just agree with what the world teaches, and you are essentially Reform Jewish, even Conservative Jewish.

 No, I definitely don't have to be Jewish to be modern. But my goal is not to be modern. My goal is to be around people who understand G-d and humanity in a similar fashion that I do. My goal is to study Torah and to live a Jewish life. Jewish values and holidays are meaningful to me. I love going to shul. I love discussing the words of the Torah and current events from a Jewish perspective. Most of all, my goal is to join people who want me to join them. The Orthodox Critic is clearly not open to making me a part of his community, and that is fine with me. I want to make my community out of liberal or open Jews, not close-minded ones. Just as I don't make friends with close minded people, I will not make a community out of close-minded Jews.

I don't necessarily need to take a conversion class; he is somewhat correct. The class is about learning in a group (something Judaism loves) and meeting other potential Jews-by-Choice. They would be a part of my community and we would always be a special sub-group of Jews. Meeting them and knowing them is important. But moreso, the class is about studying, and the only way to become Jewish is by studying. A gentile absolutely cannot become any kind of Jew without converting. 

How can one "agree with what the world teaches"? What does the world teach? If by world you mean people in the world, one must choose a viewpoint. Different religions and philosophies focus on different things. It is impossible to agree with all of them, otherwise there would be no separate ideas or differing opinions. There is no "agreeing with what the world teaches;" one must choose a line of thought and go with it. That is what I am doing.

I'm not sure if the last part of his point means that he believes any "modern" person is a Reform or Conservative Jew... That really doesn't make any sense. Does he think that liberal Christians are liberal Jews? Does he believe only Orthodox Jews are Jews? Both would be wrong. Even Orthodox rabbis know that halachically speaking, a Jew is a Jew. It doesn't matter if they disagree with the kind of Judaism most American Jews practice; they're still Jews.

Everyone remakes God in their image, instead of allowing themselves to be changed by God so that each of us reflects His image. It sounds like you would rather not be changed - if that's true, then your "conversion" to some modern variant of Judaism isn't going to stick very long. You'll soon discover that you can be as modern as you want without bothering about Judaism, or any faith system, at all. 

I've never encountered anything or anyone to support your claim that everyone "remakes G-d in their image." If he means to say that people tend to say G-d agrees with their point of view, then yes that's certainly true. It sounds like maybe he is doing that himself. But in Judaism, everyone must wrestle with G-d to come to their own understanding of Him. So, depending on how he means "remake," he could be right. He is saying something that Judaism actually encourages. Jews have different understandings of the nature G-d but the point is to believe in Him in some way.

To say that it "sounds like I don't want to be changed" based on a post I wrote about Catholicism and my inability to change to meet their requirements is completely inapplicable to Judaism. There is no evidence in any of my blog or in my life that I don't want to change. In fact, in the post the Orthodox Critic read and commented on I said

I let my beliefs change, grow, and expand in a non-Catholic way

and

I want to continue to grow and learn on the path I set myself on seven years ago.

How could someone possibly interpret that as resistant to change? I have changed a great deal since I was 14 years old and was confirmed in the Catholic Church. My life has changed and my soul has expanded. But my core has remained constant. I will admit that. Certain things remain constant but other things change a great deal. Someone once said to me that all major life changes should only make us more of who we already are. That means a lot of exterior things and some interior things will change but the central parts of who we are should not change. So, no, I don't want those central parts of me to change, otherwise I wouldn't be me.

I am quite aware that one need not be Jewish to be modern, we both already established that. But once more I'll reiterate, becoming a Jew has nothing to do with being modern. In fact, how is celebrating a dinner in a fashion set many centuries ago to remember an event that happened literally thousands of years ago modern? How is not eating pork or shellfish because a thousands year old book said not to modern? Judaism isn't really modern. People have figured out ways for it to survive in the modern world, though, including Orthodox Jews.

Finally, Orthodox Critic, it is clear you don't want me to be a Jew. Luckily, it's not your choice and it's none of your business. That goes for any Debbie or Donnie Downer out there. You are entitled to your opinion, but your opinion is not fact or law. If you want to actually discuss something here on my blog, feel free to do so. But making sweeping statements like this one is not acceptable.


I would like to say to anyone who reads this blog, that I have no issue with Orthodox Judaism or Jews. I have an issue with people like this Orthodox Critic who insist on closing Judaism to others and who think their Judaism is the only Judaism. I actually love much of what Orthodox Judaism has to offer. I considered Orthodox conversion but realized there were a few things that I just couldn't agree with and knew I wouldn't be able to stand it. For example, it's not the mechitza itself I have a problem with. I know many women who appreciate being able to pray away from their husbands or boyfriends. It allows them time and space to focus on prayer and communicating with G-d. I've been to shul with a mechitza and their point it true. It's what men have on their side of the mechitza that I take issue with. Only men sit with the Torah and can be called to the Torah. I believe that when G-d said that the words of the Torah are not in heaven so that you can't access them but here with us on earth, that He was talking to everyone, not just men. It doesn't make sense to me that only men should have access to the words, truth, and guidance of the Torah.

I hope I have made who I am a little clearer to everyone, including the Orthodox Critic. Feel free to ask questions but, please, refrain from judgmental accusations.

Tomorrow They Will Hate You

According to the tradition, when a gentile comes to a rabbi for conversion, the rabbi is supposed to discourage him/her. The discouragement is supposed to be antisemitism (except there was no such name until the 19th century). Tractate Yevamot of the Talmud says:

The rabbis taught: When someone nowadays presents himself for conversion, we say to him: Why do you wish to convert? Are you not aware that nowadays Israelites are careworn, stressed, despised, harassed and persecuted?

Rabbis now a days may word it like this: 

You must know that by converting, people who pay no mind to you today, will hate you tomorrow, simply because you will be Jewish. 

I read this contemporary rabbi's response in one of my books. The second response to the potential convert is much more severe, invoking hatred from the extreme antisemites as the reason not to become a Jew. But it is the Talmud that recognizes the true situation that makes life difficult for Jews and for converts, potential or otherwise. Because the truth is, it's not the Hitlers, Stalins, or Ahmadinejads of the world who could discourage us from being Jewish. They are full of hate and it's disgustingly apparent. All the brilliant minds of this world couldn't change the mind of the committed antisemite. And let's be honest, many people have tried. What we know of all baseless hatred is just that: it's baseless. You can't pull the rug out from under them because there is no rug. They have no reason other than hate to hate, so convincing them into understanding, tolerance, or acceptance is simply not possible. You just ignore them best you can and live your life as a G-d fearing, Torah loving Jew. 


It's not the extremists who really hurt you with their opinions. It's the rest of the people, the people who are kind in all respects save for those antisemitic sentiments they quietly harbor. They're appalled by the Holocaust but believe Jews control the media and the economy. Or they don't understand why Jews are so stubborn as to still not accept Christ after all these years. Or they just dislike Jews for some strange reason. So no, it's not the KKK or the WBC who pain you with their opinions and discourage you from being Jewish. It's the people you know.


It's the person you work for who purposefully offers pork to the Jewish girl and then evilly laughs when she politely declines. And it's that person who despises Israel for no reason other than it's a Jewish country. And it's your friend's mom who laughs hysterically at the idea of you becoming Jewish then offers her disapproving judgment upon realizing it's not a joke. 


But no matter how many antisemitic incidents you pile onto this list, they could never out weigh the Torah. Throw as many cons and negatives at us as you want, rabbi - world, nothing can discourage a life studying and living Torah once you realize its potential. It might sound trite or it might sound idealistic, but it's true. Once the idea of Jewish has entered your mind, heart, and ultimately soul, there is no turning back. And dealing with the antisemitism is part of the deal, and it's worth it, quite honestly. It is a gift to be a Jew, whether you were born one or get to choose that life as an adult, and nothing with great rewards and beauty can come completely free. If dealing with hateful, ignorant people is the cost to living life according to the Jewish calendar, getting to study Torah, and serving G-d through tikkun olam, tzedakah, and gemilut chasadim, then so be it. 


Discourage me all you want, rabbi; antisemitism is negligible in this consideration. Antisemitism is nothing when we consider all that G-d has to offer.

A Reflection

The school year is almost over, and it's time for reflection. I have been going to Hillel for over a year. I feel like I've grown a lot in that time, but in some ways still feel like I am at square one. I go to Hillel Friday night shabbat services most weeks and go there a lot during the week, usually to eat. I've been to reform and orthodox shuls and all three kinds of services. I've still never been to a conservative shul, though. I know the standard reform service and am working on conservative. I can read Hebrew. I've read all of Jewish Literacy (and if you know the book, you know it's a shlep to get through it), as well as This is My G-d, half of To Be  A Jew, and I'm partially through at least seven other books on Judaism (please see What I'm Reading). At least an hour of my day is spent reading Jewish blogs or Jewish information online. I try not to do that on shabbat out of respect (plus the fact that some of them go off line on shabbat). I am about to take my third Jewish studies class in the fall. I study Torah. I have read half of the Tanakh and plan to make a dent in the rest this summer.  I recently made the decision to cut out all pork (it was down to just bacon anyway) and seafood. I kept Passover and the Yom Kippur fast.

So what does all of this mean? Well, it seems, if anything, I've developed a Jewish identity. It's a little scary. But it's also really cool. Also starting to accumulate a Jewish wardrobe (ya know, Jew tshirts). But most important (I think), I no longer feel the Catholic identity projected onto me. I've shed that completely and I know that that was the single most important element to moving on in my life. Even if I wanted to be a Universalist or something, I still would have had to completely rid myself of that conflicting identity. Even though I didn't believe in or practice Catholicism, I was still hurting all the time when I felt Catholic projected on me. Now I don't feel that happening, ever. I don't get so upset anymore to learn about the mishaps of the Church (which happen quite frequently as you all know). There is such freedom to that. With that gone, there is lots of room for a Jewish identity to fill in. I know I have the rest of my life for that to happen and for the identity to develop and change, but I imagine the bulk will happen in the next year or two. And I'm really freaking excited.

I have plans to find a rabbi this summer, in addition to several other Jewish goals. But I mostly want to find a rabbi (or two) so I can learn more. My parents asked me not to study with a rabbi until I graduate college, but I have kind of plateaued with my Jewish learning and it is very frustrating. I have to learn more. Learning continually, incessantly is how I got here and I have no intentions of stopping. It was Confucius who said it matters not how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. I cannot stop learning, for then that means I stop living. Who knows when I'll actually convert but I have to continue learning. It is the Jewish way, after all.

Learning Torah

A while back the Hillel rabbi decided the next step in my Jewish education was to find someone to learn Torah with. Right after that one of my close friends suggested we study Torah together. Perfect! We started learning together a few weeks ago and it is honestly my new favorite pastime. The friend I learn with has studied at Pardes in Israel so he's basically a Torah scholar (jokes). But he is experienced and has a good approach that really works for me.

We take turns reading through the parsha out loud: he reads from the Artscroll translation and I read from the JPS translation. Neither of us really knows Hebrew so the different translations help us understand what may or may not be going on in the original text. We note tense changes, repetition of words, and other oddities to decipher what is really going on in the portion.

It takes about 2 and a half hours for us to learn the whole parsha, and that two and a half hours is usually the highlight of my week. We discuss theology, history, rhetoric, math, evolution, personal experiences and more as a result of just a few chapters in the Torah. It is incredible. After our sessions, I swear, I literally feel my mind expand. I think I expected Torah study to be cumbersome, like analyzing Shakespeare for an English class, but it isn't. It's uplifting. It relieves pressure from life somehow, rather than adding. This is what it means that the Torah is a gift.

I don't have much else to say except that Torah study has been the most meaningful addition to my Jewish experience. Every week when we conclude I look forward to the next session and wonder what will happen next. It makes me want to learn more and more. It truly is a driving force in my progression of a full Jewish identity.

An Orthodox Shabbat

Before this winter's alternative break trip, the most orthodox Jewish experiences I'd had were a couple of nights at the Chabad House on campus. Those were a good time but I didn't really participate in much, besides the eating. My friends and I would get into our own conversations and tune out a lot. When Shabbat arrived last week, all of us were clean and pretty by candle lighting time. We went to the reform synagogue (which I didn't like very much because it reminded me of church... not important) in town then came back to the rabbi's house for a traditional shabbat dinner. We began by singing Shalom Aleichem (except we skipped the last verse because of the rabbi's personal minhag (custom)), and then we all lined up for the ritual washing of hands before a meal. Since there is no talking allowed between that blessing and eating, we all hummed and dummed a niggun (melody that has no words) while we waited for everyone to finish. After Motzi and Kiddush we could eat, drink, and talk again and we had a lovely Shabbat dinner. There were about 16 people there so it was a grand time. We talked in smaller groups and all across the table with the conversation interspersed with songs. There's something about the Shabbat table that lets you get to know people in a unique way.

After dinner ended, we cleaned up a little. Most of us lingered in the house either starting up new conversations or continuing ones from dinner. Two of my friends from the trip and I got into a very interesting conversation with the rabbi. I know the relationships between the different movements in Judaism are complicated and I don't presume to judge, but occasionally I and my Reform friends will get the sense that the Orthodox don't think their (Reform Jews) Judaism is as good or as valid. So, I think my two friends that night were a little guarded at first when talking to the rabbi. It's understandable. But about three minutes into the conversation the walls came down because the rabbi's concern was whether Reform Judaism helped them connect to G-d. He is cool with the different kinds of Jews and Judaism there are.

What I loved most about talking to this rabbi was that he talked about G-d in mathematical terms. He has some sort of math undergrad degree so he knows his stuff. The thing he said that is missing from secular or humanist ethics is the value of human life. Since we are all made in the image of G-d and G-d is infinite, we also are infinite. Said mathematically, every subset of an infinite set is also infinite. So if each of us is a subset of G-d (hence the made in the image of) then each of us is a subset of infinity. Therefore, each of us is "infinite." The value of a human life can not be measured. This sentiment is conveyed in the Talmud but not by this mathematical proof. The reason I had such a hard time understanding G-d in high school was because I couldn't figure out Christianity and math at the same time. This rabbi's proof is a perfect example of the kind of thinking I went through to get to where I am in my understanding/belief in G-d.

Another great part of our conversation with the rabbi was how he talked to me. Earlier in the day he learned for the first time all week that I'm not Jewish. He asked me a simple yet complicated question. "What's your journey?" he said, "How did you go from a Catholic childhood to having dinner in the Orthodox rabbi's house?" He just wanted to talk to these young people about life, G-d, Torah, and Judaism, including me. I never felt included like that by the rabbis at school. I gave him a quick overview of basically this entire blog. And he asked us all how Hillel and Judaism affect each of us. The best answer I could give was that I love Friday night services because I can pray on a regular basis in a safe space. When I went to church, for my whole life, I prayed to G-d, just G-d, and everyone around me was praying to Jesus. I knew it and I felt kind of like a fraud. I wasn't doing what you're supposed to at church. But now when I go to Hillel, I'm doing the same thing as everyone else, of course in my own way. As with everything else, the rabbi said if it makes you a better person and connects you to G-d, then it's doing its job.

One final nugget of inspiration I took away was his view of Torah. He said that what separates him from other Orthodox Jews, particularly the ultra-orthodox, is that he doesn't just think that Jews have something to teach the world about Torah, he thinks that the world has something to teach Jews about Torah.

When we closed the night, the rabbi thanked us for sitting with him and talking to him about G-d because not many people are willing to do that. I thanked him for doing the same. The next morning at services, he gave me something no one else has been able to: permission to kiss the Torah. None of my friends knew if a non-Jew was allowed and I wasn't about to disrespect the Torah by doing it anyways. If an Orthodox rabbi says it's OK, then it must be OK. He has no idea that he'd truly given me the most amazing and memorable Shabbats, probably of my whole life. I know I'll never forget any of it.

The High Holidays: Torah Services

The High Holidays were the first time I was a part of a Torah service. Before them, I had only attended Friday night services. It was amazing to be a part of these services. The way that people honor and respect the Torah scrolls is unlike anything I've seen. I was probably missing something growing up, but I never felt awe like that in church. Seeing my friends called up to the Torah to make the blessings was awesome. They knew just what to do. Some of them didn't even need to look in the prayer book for what to say. It was almost instinctive. For people who didn't know exactly what was going on, like me, one of the rabbis noted quietly at one point, "You always do what the Torah does: the Torah stands, you stand; the Torah sits, you sit." The ceremony for reading Torah aloud is quite elaborate. During those services I saw Judaism come to life in a new way. I don't have much else to say except that it was beautiful.