This weekend I went home for a night and a day. It was my niece's 7th birthday party. All week I was kind of planning to talk to my mom about all of this (as in the content of this blog). Ask her what she thinks of me converting to Judaism. Both of my parents know that I have been reading about Judaism and that I have a rather large amount of Jewish friends. In fact, I think that my mom has tried talking to me about this before, it's just that we both suck at starting those kinds of conversations and I just wasn't taking her bait. Examples: fall quarter, Hillel had a havdala event for which they created a facebook event and I attended (both on facebook and in real life). When I went home the next day for whatever reason, my mom tried to ask me what it was but she pronounced the word way wrong so I didn't know what she said at first then I was annoyed that she had asked that way. Winter break, the newspaper did a feature story on Hanukka, and she brought it up. Christmas eve, my parents and I were having dinner and my mom randomly said, maybe this year we should have gone to temple... my dad and I both looked at her and said what?? she was all, yeahh! isn't it Hanukka right now? we could've done something different. So, I guess I'm really stupid for not taking advantage of those opportunities. But in my defense, I was still super uncertain about what was happening way back in October and over winter break I was processing my week of Orthodox Jewish life.
So what about now? Well, now it's been almost two months since that last opportunity, but more importantly it's been a year since I first started seriously learning about Judaism. And this week is Ash Wednesday, which begins Lent. Last year at Ash Wednesday I made a conscious decision not to go, ever again. Ash Wednesday is one of those seemingly less important holidays in Catholicism but in actuality carries great weight. For one who is quite uncertain about their religious identity, going to Ash Wednesday is like saying, for the next two and a half months, I am committed to Christianity. For Lent, people usually give stuff up to try to appreciate this supposed sacrifice that Jesus made for all people. Lent is the season that prepares people for the most holy time of the Christian year. And honestly, I never really appreciated the enormity of Ash Wednesday until I decided I would never again participate. It was always this thing I did because my parents had sent me to CCD and basically made me. I don't even know if I went in high school because I always had dance on Wednesday nights. But I digress.
You probably want to know what happened with my mother. Well, in short, nothing. I got home late on Friday night, because I refused to miss Shabbat services and dinner, and my parents were watching one of their shows. When it was over, my dad immediately started talking to me and we got into a huge historical and political discussion. But, oh, the irony. My dad starts talking about the Catholic Church. He started watching some new miniseries about these infamous Spanish Popes. He was quite emphatic when he started in, "Mary. Now listen. Get this: 1492 Alexander Borja becomes Pope.... .... .... His grandfather was also the Pope... ... !!!!!!!!!" He looks at me with these big eyes, asking "Can you believe that?" Uh, yeah, kinda. Not at all surprised. He explains more of the history and blah blah blah. He was just totally beyond belief that these Popes weren't celibate or well behaved in any way. I just responded by saying, "Has celibacy ever been a real practice? Not really." He asked when celibacy became a practice and I said the end of the 12th century, and it was because priests were having these huge families and the parishes couldn't support them. My dad then says "I feel like now I need to look back through all the Popes and see who the first one was who actually followed the rules. I just can't believe this! I went to Catholic school for all those years as a boy and I just never knew any of this." My mom said, "Come ON, hun!" And I said, "Well, come on, Mom. The Church isn't going to teach people all of the naughty things these guys did over the years. That's stupid for them to tell young kids what hypocrites Catholics have been throughout history." I mean, it makes sense that the Church doesn't want to admit some of those shameful things. But they also shouldn't try to make it seem like the Church has been this perfect entity either. But that's besides the point. The last important thing my dad said was, "I can't believe how these Popes were. I had always placed the Popes on the same level as the Apostles." Woah...
I have never heard my dad talk like this. He never has talked about Jesus or the Apostles or Catholic teachings. Just sooo weird -- definitely wasn't the time to bring up converting to Judaism, just saying. My mom pressed him by asking, "Didn't you ever question Catholic teachings growing up? Because I did, all the time." Timeout. All the time you questioned Catholic teachings -- and now no longer consider yourself Catholic -- but decided to raise your kids Catholic anyways? What the heck, Mom. Kind of nonsensical but nevertheless... Two things: 1. Now I know I inherited the fierce questioning and confusion from my mother and I don't feel like such an outsider from my family and 2. Now I know that my Mom will be supportive. It might seem like she didn't say anything about supporting a Jewish daughter, but I guess you had to be there and have to know my mother.
So, I didn't talk to my mom about becoming a Jew, but something extremely important came out of this visit home.
I remember being taught in tenth grade (the year that my school teaches Church history) that priests didn't have to be celibate before the 1100s or so. I was a bit surprised, even though I knew that many popes had their, ahem, scandals. If I remember correctly, the council that made celibacy an official policy was affirming what was already a practical "requirement" (though obviously not always followed) -- according to the Church's view of sexuality, engaging in sex meant that one was not "pure" enough to celebrate the Eucharist the following morning, and if Mass is every day, then, well, you're functionally celibate. It's funny, though, because you're never taught about this in elementary school. Until then, the reason I was always told was "well, Jesus didn't have a wife, so priests don't" or "the priest can't be married because he must devote his time to the members of the Church."
ReplyDeleteYour interactions with your parents remind me a bit of my own. My dad basically said the same thing your mom said around Hanukkah -- "Aren't you supposed to be in the temple?" (Ha, I told him that Hanukkah was a minor holiday.) My parents have also noticed the growing collection of Jewish music in my car, and I recently ordered a beginning Hebrew book (to help myself learn, but also to see how they would react...surprisingly, it didn't seem to be a big deal to them). My "conversion" is starting to become a running joke in my family. (I'm a math/science nerd so my sister says that I must be Albert Einstein's reincarnation. And a couple of days ago she said I should have a belated Bat Mitzvah.) Maybe they'll just get used to talking about me+Jewishness so that when I actually talk to them about conversion it won't come as too much of a surprise.
As for Lent, I remember this time last year I was figuring out what the heck I believed. I was studying Judaism and felt pulled in that direction. I remember remarking to a few friends and family members that it was ironic that we were eating (non-kosher) seafood (catfish, shrimp) on the Fridays in Lent, since Jesus would not have eaten that.
Caroline,
DeleteI remember learning that about Jesus and the priests, too. But I read once that it was really an economic ordinance. The priests had too large of families and the parishes couldn't support them. Ultimately, I don't care that much because I think it's against human nature. As far as Lent goes, that is ironic! I always thought the fish thing was bs growing up. I told my mom that if we weren't supposed to be eating meat then we weren't supposed to be eating fish. The explanation that fish isn't meat drove me nuts. But now I know that it probably comes from kashrut.
My mom has been getting pretty used to all of the Jewish stuff I do, too, which is strange since I'm not even living at home. But now when there are questions about Jewish things in the crossword puzzle she calls me to ask the answer. I think it's going to be easier to talk to her when the time comes but I still am afraid of how my dad and his side of the family will react.