Am I My Brother's Keeper?

"You shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the feelings of the stranger, having yourselves been strangers in the land of Egypt" (Exodus 23:9)

"Do not stand idly by while your neighbor's blood is being spilled." (Leviticus 19:16) 

Tonight I went to a Dinner and Dialogue at Hillel, but it was an interfaith event. I was a little uncertain about going to an interfaith event, since I am in this weird interfaith stage and don't necessarily speak from or for a particular faith. It ended up OK but it really got me thinking. There is never enough time at these things for everyone to say everything they were thinking, and what I wanted to say didn't really fit naturally into our conversation. Lucky for you all who now get to read it!

The topic of discussion was "For whom are we responsible?" and we were guided somewhat by the Torah verses above. At my table at least, we all agreed that being responsible includes other people: taking care of them, standing up for them, helping them in whatever ways they need. We feel responsible for our family members, our friends, and our religion. A Muslim girl spoke about how she feels like she represents Islam to people and feared that by not saying hello to two people she really disliked for legitimate reasons that they would dislike all Muslims. If people would dislike Muslims just because one Muslim didn't say hello, then they're dumb. But there are lots of dumb people in this world so her fear was real and justified. This made me think about my own life. I never felt like I represented Christianity or Catholicism, mostly because I grew out of that stage by the time I would have started feeling that kind of responsibility. But could I represent Judaism to someone? Could I handle that responsibility? I think that's an important thing people must consider when converting, regardless of what religion. Do you want to be the face of that religion to some people and carry the responsibility of properly representing your chosen faith? I'm to a point now where I can answer people's questions about Judaism without hesitation. I'm not the most articulate person, but I can do it. If people ask a question, I know what the Jewish response would be.

But I am getting a little off topic. For whom are we responsible? In short, everyone. We are responsible for each other because we are all a part of the human race. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin wrote that when G-d asked Cain what happened to Abel and Cain responded, "What? Am I my brother's keeper?" that the entire rest of the Torah answers emphatically, YES! The Torah tells us that yes, we are our brothers' and sisters' keepers. We are responsible for one another because G-d made all of us with care.

One of the discussion questions that we never got to asked us to share a story that demonstrates what responsibility means to us. I didn't get to share my story and it's really the whole reason I wanted to post tonight. Almost nine years ago, one of my best friend's older brother died. He died in an accident, but not really. He was at college, the same college I go to now, and lived in an apartment with three or four other people. They had a party and when it got late they said OK everyone, go home. Eventually, everyone filtered out and they went to bed. This is how parties go, right? Well, apparently some people weren't happy about the party ending because they came back. They were not empty handed. They stuffed towels into beer bottles, essentially making little bombs, and threw them into the house, through the windows. The house caught fire and they ran.

My friend's brother died that night because of some drunk dumbasses who were never caught because they ran. Who knows, maybe the people (or person?) were too drunk to remember. But they probably just didn't want to go to jail for manslaughter. Her brother was a good person, studied hard, played golf, did community service. He died because it was time for the party to end. He was responsible in ending the party and the people who didn't agree ended his life. Does doing something stupid when you're drunk excuse you from it? No, not in the slightest. I hate when people try to excuse their behavior by saying "Oh, well I was drunk." And if you're making fire bombs when you're drunk, then you need to not be drunk! You're clearly a terrible person when you're drunk. And quite honestly, I've always been a fan of "A drunk mind speaks a sober heart." You don't usually say things totally out of the ordinary when you're drunk: you're usually just more blunt and more sloppy.

What else can I say about responsibility from this story? Well, I have to tell you about the aftermath. My friend's family grieved, they dealt with his death. They had support from family, friends, and the community. He died on April 15, 2003. By the next year they had established a scholarship fund in his name for high school seniors who embodied his qualities and wanted to attend his school or study in his field or play golf. They continue to raise funds for the scholarships year after year to help young kids achieve their dreams of earning a college education. I was one of those kids they helped. His dad still works as a guidance counselor even though he could be retired. He works with lower socio-economic students and brings groups of boys down to the college to visit and to get them thinking about their future. My friend is studying psychology and she did her senior exit project on how children cope with death. This family works so hard to help people who go through rough patches, whether or not the rough patch is the same as theirs was. This family takes responsibility in our world and makes it a better place. Rather than falling apart, like some families do, they made themselves stronger and work harder to support other families. They'll never understand why their son and brother was taken from them, but rather than hide from the world and from responsibilities, they take on more responsibilities.

There are different levels of responsibility. Not standing idly by can be anywhere from taking a direct stand to make a change to simply being aware. It is simply not possible for all of us to stand up for everything. But I think it is a basic civic responsibility to be aware of the situation. Know what's going on over seas. Know what's going on down the street in a different community. And if you know no one is doing anything about a problem, a light will probably go off in your head telling you that you should be the one to step up. Find your cause and work for it. But don't be stuck on that one cause for life. Move around and go where the world needs you to go.

Above all, the prophets remind us of the moral state of a people: Few are guilty, but all are responsible. - Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel 

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.