So this is Christmas...

Today is Christmas. I don't feel much like writing today, but no post on Christmas would undermine the purpose of this blog. Christmas is a religious holiday no matter how the non-religious/agnostic/atheist types want to spin it.

When I was a kid, Christmas was the best thing ever. Presents, santa, no school, and oh, did I mention presents? However, there was always my mom reminding us of "the reason for the season." For us, the Christmas season didn't start the Friday after Thanksgiving; it started the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That is when Advent begins, and we never once got a tree or any other decorations out before Advent was in full swing. We had a manger scene both for the fireplace and one for the yard. Yeah, one of those obnoxious light up sets for the yard. And on Christmas morning, when we'd be sitting in a pile of toys, Mom would tell us to go upstairs and get ready for church. Even if that was a major buzzkill, Christmas morning is an exciting mass. There's flowers everywhere and other decorations and everyone is in a great mood.

Christmas, of course, changed after I figured out there is no Santa Claus. It definitely wasn't as magical and I didn't look forward to it as much. As soon as I was old enough, we no longer went to Christmas morning mass but to Midnight Mass. Apparently me falling asleep for the second half of that mass was better to my family than going on Christmas morning. After confirmation, church became less important in the Christmas scheme. I wasn't exactly a bundle of fun during the Christmas season in high school. As the religious meaning diminished for me, I didn't feel more attached to the secular traditions. My basic thought was, we don't go to church throughout the year, why are we all of a sudden religious at Christmas time? It's not right. I didn't really want to celebrate Christmas any more. It's a stressful time of year and I didn't think it was worth it. What I was demanding of my family, in terms of religion, was all or nothing. I didn't find it appropriate for this wishy-washy half way stuff. I don't know which years I actually went to church on Christmas and which I didn't. I do know that I was always wondering what was the point?

Now that I'm in college, it seems even more complicated. I like coming home for the long break to be with my family. I love that I get to see my brother and his kids. But I still have some of the same complaints as I did in high school. Although now this year, I feel like I can't voice those complaints any more. I can't look for the religious meaning in Christmas anymore, because I know I won't find it. I definitely made out on presents this year. We had two good meals. My mother has been acting strange lately and I think it's because she knows I'm floating in new religious ideas. In fact, I can't help but thinking that that's why she and my dad got me such great presents. They're trying to make up for something. I don't know where they're going with that, and I don't know where I'm going. All I know is that today was a good day, but not because it is Christmas. It was a good day, because I was surrounded by family.