So, I told my mom I am thinking about converting to Judaism. At first, she didn't say anything. It was awkward. Then she said, "Well that's your business." I tried explaining that it's really her business, too. Then she asked why. Although I know really well why I want to be Jewish, it's really hard to spell out when your mom asks you for the first time. I stumbled and mumbled and eventually got out that I wanted to have a religion for my own kids, one that I agree with. I got a confused look and a "what do you mean?"
I must pause here and tell you a story about something that happened a year ago - almost exactly a year ago. My aunt Mary left the Catholic Church a long time ago and she became a baptist. Her husband's also a baptist and they raised their kids in the baptist church. It really works for them. I was asking my mom all these questions about her leaving, like how old was she when she did it and why. Finally, my mom goes, "What? Do you want to leave the church or something?" When I replied yes, she then asked "Well do you want to be Jewish?" I said I don't know. "Do you want to be a baptist? What? You have to be something. You need to have a religion to raise your kids in. Even though I don't go to church now and I think a lot of those same things you think about the Church, I am not sorry I took you to church. Religion is a good thing for kids to have." And she's so right. So, so right. I mean, I look at kids who are raised with and without religion and I can just see that something is missing from the lives of those kids who have no religion. It's comforting and it can be good if done in the right way.
So when my mom asked me "what do you mean" when I said I want a religion for my kids, I was a little confused. And I repeated her own words to her. She realized my point and paused for a while. "I don't know. I guess I've never know anyone who's converted to Judaism. I mean, I've just always been Catholic. Even though I don't practice it or go to church - I just- I've just always been Catholic."
The moral of the story is that my mom just needs time to adjust. She needs to get used to the idea. Which is fantastic in my opinion. She said a lot more and the next day we talked and she asked me questions. I purposefully told her separate from my dad so that he can adjust without reacting badly in front of me. He will definitely need more time to adjust. But the point it, they can adjust. I don't know what I'd do if I had the type of parents who'd cut me out if I changed religions. I don't know how I could move forward with my life if they didn't want to adjust and compromise. I gave her Judaism for Dummies to read and she said she would. It takes her a while to do things so I know she won't fly through it by any means. But it's really OK if it takes her a while because it takes a while to convert to Judaism.
Honestly, I am so glad I got the most awkward conversation of our whole relationship out of the way. Now I can talk to my mom about my day without leaving out that I went to Hillel. Sometimes that's the biggest part of my day. I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday and my dad sort of cracked a joke in the background about it all. Joking about things = being OK with things, at least in my family.
What a relief.
Man, I'm still trying to figure out when I'm going to have this conversation. Kudos for working up the courage to do it. It's great that your mom will adjust with time. I think that's what will happen with my parents, but I'm still worried about their initial reaction (more so with my dad than my mom). I'm thinking that I'll tell them together since my mom is the type of person who tells my dad everything.
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm a bit apprehensive about my graduation in May. We have two events that my parents will be attending -- Senior Mass and Graduation. (The graduation ceremony also contains a mass.) During monthly school masses, I haven't been taking communion. It's really easy because people just assume your Protestant if you don't say the prayers and you don't take communion. However, during the occasional Sunday church, I (begrudgingly) do those things because my parents would naturally ask questions. So I'm debating what I should do when my parents are attending Senior Mass/Graduation and will possibly/probably notice my lack of communion reception. On one hand, if they asked me questions, they would mention Judaism since they know that I have an interest in Jewish things (I made the decision a while back to stop hiding that from them entirely -- my chumash and Jewish music CDs are there for them to see). And how could I convincingly lie to them about conversion if I'm not taking communion? (I don't even WANT to lie to them, but I don't feel that the culmination of 15 years of Catholic education is a good time to have a conversion discussion.) So I might have to suck it up these couple of times and take communion. On the other hand, I like to think of myself as someone with principles. I guess I'll just have to think about it. I might have to make a snap judgment because I don't know if they'll be sitting next to me during Senior Mass, and I don't know how far away from me they'll be in the auditorium for graduation.